I'm not Perfect nor is my Weight Loss Journey.

I promised I would share my weight loss journey with you. And I will. Mine isn't one of beauty like you see in all the TV commercials or about how easy it is to lose weight. I started my weight loss journey on April 8, 2013 weighing 210.8 pounds. And I did lose weight! On April 13, 2013 I was weighing 204 pounds. But as of today May 3, 2013 I am weighing 210.4 pounds. See I have failed. I'm just like mostly every other woman in this world and I gave in to all my temptations. I didn't lie to you when I said I love sugar-filled foods. I do! And I am lazy. And scared! It's gotten so easy to hid behind my weight. And yes, I see that sprinkle covered donut and think, well, I am already this big what's one more donut going to do. Do you think that? Well, STOP! It's killing us! My weight is affecting EVERYTHING in my life! I am so unhappy with who I have become! Please know this - it's ok to fail, and start over again. I did!
Guess what? I put my tenni shoes on this morning, grabbed my iPod, and a bottle of water and went downstairs and I got on that elliptical! YES! I DID! For the very first time! I went to the Women Of Faith conference last weekend and right in the middle of it one of the guest speakers said, "Just 5 minutes on the elliptical, that's all." And I knew with every fiber in my being that was God speaking to me through her. I had been saying those same words for 2 YEARS! And yet, never did it! Never once got on that elliptical. I am so happy to say I did! This morning! I did that 5 minutes on my elliptical.  5 minutes is such a small amount of time, but for me it was huge! I don't exercise. And yes, I thought I was going to die, seriously, no lie, my legs were killing me! The last minute I was praying. Praying for God to give me strength. To give me the faith I need in myself to FINISH this! I needed to finish that 5 minutes so badly so I can know I did and know that tomorrow when I do that 5 minutes it won't hurt as bad and soon before I know it I'll be knocking out an hour on it.
This morning I sat down and started reading, Made To Crave by Lysa Terkeurst. I am a Christian and I now know that what I am craving isn't food, it's God. But instead of listening I was stuffing myself with food. Also, I am an emotional eater, and I have some issues going on in my life that are really difficult to handle and I feel as if they are so out of my control. So what did I do, I controlled the one thing I can control, what goes into my body. And I was filling it full of foods that gave me a moment of satisfaction and a whole night's worth of guilt. From now on, instead of stuffing my emotions full of food, I am going to voice my emotions. Do you feel sorry for my family? My husband? I do. I am about to become a crying mess. I have a lot of stuff bottled up that I am going to start releasing. And I started last night with my husband. And yes, I went to bed crying. But guess what? I felt so refresh this morning. The Lord spoke to me last night. I was begging him to tell me what to do. And he spoke one word so LOUD in my head. One beautiful word. I had heard of people saying God had spoke to them, and I am not going to lie, I thought they were crazy! And thought, oh, ya right. But he does! I was at an all time low last night. The lowest I have ever been. And I went to my Lord in prayer. And he was there, he was listening.
Today is a new beginning! A new start! I, as Lysa said in her book, finally admitted the truth that what I eat matters. My weight is a direct reflection of my choices and the state of my health. My weight issues are directly linked to my food choices. Period. I am admitting it and I am going to do something about it.
We crave what we eat. 5 little words. But WOW! Makes sense doesn't it? I eat donuts, I crave donuts. Duh!!! It has just taken me 30 years to figure this out! If I make healthier choices, I'll crave healthier foods. I am going to go grocery shopping and my kids are in for a shocker! There will not be any more sugar filled nastiness in our home. For forever, probably not. But for a while, YES! I need to remove all temptations until I have enough strength to know I won't cave in and eat a zebra cake.
I feel so strong that I am going to lose the weight but at the same time lose all the baggage I carry around with me wrapped up in my weight. I feel it throughout my whole being. Not only will I become a new person, physically, but mentally, and spiritually. And I know once I do this it will then go into to all my other areas in my life. I will become a better wife, a better mother, and a better person. Why, because this time I am allowing God to direct me. Will I still make mistakes, you betcha. I am only human and we are not perfect.
But I am at my lowest low in all areas of my life. And the only path for me to follow is UP! And as I follow this path, I know God will be right there beside me and at times carrying me, just like he carried me those last 30 seconds today on the elliptical, when I so badly just wanted to stop to give up. To cave in and say tomorrow I'll do it, but we all know that tomorrow I wouldn't. So the Lord carried me through and tomorrow I will go back downstairs and get back on that elliptical and do it all over again.
So see it's ok to fail and to accept that we are failures and to start over and accept that we can be winners!