Shower Time Brings Out My Inner Navy Seal

Shower time brings out my inner Navy Seal. The planning, the training, the organizing, and the ability to fly by the seat of my pants.
It all starts the moment my eyes open in the morning, no I'm not talking about a shower then, are you kidding me my kids have an internal alarm that sounds the second I wake up alerting them they need "something" and Mom has to be the "one" to get it. So, ya, NEVER a shower in the morning. I'm talking about the PLANNING of the shower.
While, I wake up the older ones to get ready for school I am thinking of all I need to do that day and if it requires me to be shower clean or just add more deodorant clean. Once that is decided either the day gets more planning or super easy, well as easy as it can be with 4 kids.
 Now, onto the the kitchen to start breakfast which always wakes up the toddler so while I'm changing her diaper I'm outlining my outfit for the day, either an actual outfit with jewelry, make-up, hair (the whole nine yards) or just yoga pants and t-shirt. Again, this decision either requires more of a detail planning or just a ponytail holder.
Now everyone is fed and off to school and dressed. So I'm on to feeding the baby and dressing him. And this always takes a while! Finally, his belly is full and what do you know he is content and in his bouncer and Annabelle is wrapped up in the Mickey Mouse world, HERE'S MY CHANCE!
I quietly stand up, she hasn't notice, score! I walk on my tip toes out of the frontroom avoiding the squeaky spot on the floor. WHEW! I made to the Hallway! I quickly dash into my room and strip off my pjs and lay out a pair of jeans, cameo and shirt. I have only seconds before she realizes I'm missing and will demand my attention! I move into position and must decide vent or no vent? Vent on, she hears and KNOWS! No Vent, gives me a few more minutes of shower time... NO VENT? What the hick I'll live dangerously and pray God will keep the humidity down. DUTY TIME! In the shower I go. This is the moment I have been waiting for and planning for and it has arrived. My inner Navy Seal is jumping up & down with glee our hard work is paying off!
I made it through shampooing, conditioning, and washing but only got one leg shaved before she found me! BUSTED! I turn off the water and that's when I hear the Baby crying and as I look at my sweet daughter's angel face I know she has made sure the baby wasn't content anymore for my punishment of abandoning her and taking a shower without her. She made sure I would pay!
I go the rest of the day with one smooth leg and one leg of a bear. But again, my inner Navy Seal says "Suck it up!"
I go get the Baby and calm him down, so here I am naked standing in my bathroom brushing my teeth with a baby on my hip and a toddler playing in the lotion I just used... whatever, she is lotioning my feet, and with winter over and soon to be summer my feet need some good lotioning. Ok, GOD, please let the Baby be happy for 20 minutes so I can finish getting ready! I swear I can do it in 20 minutes! Just let him be content.
READY! SET! GO!
Lay the Baby on the bed, and move into auto-pilot, clothes on! All while, dancing and singing and waving my hands to entertain the Baby. Thank goodness there are no video cameras in our room or else I'd be admitted in the looney bin.
WAIT! WHAT! You're hungry! AGAIN! Kingston I just fed you and now my hair is going to dry and and I'll have to re-wet it and....ok! OK! I'll go make the bottle.
Twenty-five minutes and a new shirt later cause the other one is now sporting the spit-up perfume, all 3 of us are back in the bathroom. Annabelle standing on the toilet playing with all my make-up on the counter and the Baby on the floor probably thanking God he is a boy and not a girl. I re-wet my hair and throw it up in towel. Make-up time... NO! Annabelle! Do not get my make-up brushes wet! GRRR!
Finally, got my "face" on all while wiggling my booty around and singing to keep the now fussy tired baby entertain. Ten more minutes is all I need to do my hair.
I have natural curly hair and require lots of products so once all that is on I can begin blowing drying and styling. Anyway, you get the point, I finally get my hair fixed and I look down and notice the Baby is sound asleep on the rug lolled to sleep by the hum of the blow dryer I just used. Whatever, my inner Navy Seal is screaming at me "fly by the seat remember?" I grab a clean towel cover him up, and notice Annabelle has ninja her way out of the bathroom without me noticing. Hmm! That's never good!
I find her in my room spraying numerous different perfumes on her. GAG! She smells worse than a whore house! GAG! GAG! I grab a pair of earrings, bracelet, and my shoes. Go out in the hall and take a deep breath of non-whore house air and hold it in while running back into my room to grab her and realize I can't bathe her, the Baby is asleep in the bathroom...Kitchen sink it is. My inner Navy Seal is happy with the quick thinking. And the Mommy in me is happy the baby is sleeping.
25 minutes later, Annabelle is bathed, (whore house smell gone) in clean clothes, shoes and jacket on. Now to wake the baby and put him in the carseat so we can go!
And we are out the door!
Mission Complete!